Here We Go Again – the Good

After laying the groundwork the last few months, my husband and I are ready to start trying for another baby. We are officially kicking things off with a frozen embryo transfer in September, however we have this month and next to give it a shot the old fashioned way. I actually realized just last night that we don’t need to wait until August, as the medical reason for holding off another month would resolve itself in time for us to give things a go in July. As in anytime in the next few days. Whoa!

I am keeping an open mind about the next two months, and trying to walk a fine line between “don’t expect anything” and “anything can happen”. Ultimately, my husband and I would like to give our frozen embryos a shot at life, and September already feels like it’s right around the corner. Therefore the next two months do not loom like a frantic final push at a miracle, nor does it feel like time will crawl until we finally get to the transfer date. Already, this is very different than my most recent experiences of trying on our own before conceiving Baby Boy.

Ever since visiting the fertility clinic last week for bloodwork and a sonohysterogram (SHG) to check out the state of my uterus, which resulted in getting the all clear for September’s transfer, the possibility of another baby has been on my mind almost non stop. I have been exploring this possibility from many different angles, some of which are incredibly exciting, while others are downright terrifying.

Two weeks ago, I popped into a baby store on my way home from a doctor’s appointment. It had been some time since I’d gone to a baby store, as Baby Boy doesn’t want for much, and when something does come up, I usually manage to order it online. As I took my time perusing all of the beautiful and well thought out products the store had on offer, out of nowhere I felt myself transported back to my third trimester of pregnancy and Baby Boy’s early days, when visits to our local baby stores were a weekly occurrence. The rush of feelings that washed over me is hard to explain, but I felt overwhelmed that I may be blessed enough to experience that magical time again, but with a whole new baby who I have yet to meet.

I have gotten so used to being a “mom of a boy” that I have trained myself to walk by or see past all of the baby girl stuff, but on this day, I stopped to look at little pink booties and frilly bibs. The realization suddenly hit me that while I will always be a “mom of a boy”, I may not end up being a “mom of boys”; I may also get to experience what it is like to have a little girl. Again, it is hard for me to find the words to express how tantalizing this is, at this stage in the game when anything seems possible.

So this is the good, the hopeful, the exciting part of where I am at right now, as I consider the real possibility of another child in our future.

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They Grow Up So Fast….

Baby Boy is just over 3 months old, and I have already seen him change and grow so much in the short time that he has been with us. In the last few days, I have packed away the last of the 0 to 3 month clothing, moved his crib down a setting, and pulled out the size 2 diapers for the first time.

I felt inexplicably sad packing away the tiny onesies and sleepers that he wore for the first few months of this life. There was something so final about putting them away and the realization that he will never wear those things again. At times like this, I find myself wishing time could stand still, or at the very least slow down a bit so I can savour and fully enjoy every fleeting moment.

At the same time, it seems like every day I am amazed by new things that Baby Boy is doing. For example, over the last month Baby Boy has managed to increase his cuteness quotient by adding a giddy little laugh to his repertoire. He laughs to express joy, but also to share in little jokes (like when my husband plays a version of peekaboo with him). In the last week alone, he’s also started playing with his feet, and become fascinated with the many little mirrors on his toys.

I can’t believe that we have simply scratched the surface and that the real milestones are still ahead. In the next year and a half alone, Baby Boy will roll over, sit up, take his first step and say his first word. In no time at all, he will be starting school, and from there my brain just hurts thinking about all of the things that life has in store for him.

With every new day, Baby Boy is growing and changing and slowly becoming his own person, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be able to share these moments with him.